AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

At this point I could be running around screaming, to about the same effect. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. Have some pictures.

AW SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET MOTHAFUCKA

So, it turns out I'm a REALLY GOOD shot for a beginner. On our day off yesterday we went to Dennis' again to visit the deer, as well as do a little skeet shooting. For no apparent reason, I ended up being the best shot out of everyone, being the only person in the group to hit my stationary target on the first shot, the only one to truly hit one of the clay pigeons and taking out one of two clay rabbits tossed at me. Considering I've only fired rifles once or twice in my life, and that was YEARS ago, I'm tickled pink with myself. I really want to try again!

And fun was had by all. But especially me.

I'm sure all of you know by now that my birthday is right after Christmas, and I hate it. I've never had a proper birthday party, because everyone is always off visiting family for the holidays on my birthday. Well, the folks out here at the sanctuary knew it too. Yesterday was my half-day off (no bear chores, but still working in the gift shop in the evening); I took advantage of this by going to the lake, doing laundry, reading, showering...and for just last night, I was leaving the other volunteers to their own devices for dinner. When I got back around 3:30 in the afternoon and heard scrambling in the cook shack, I thought to myself "Oh no, they've screwed dinner and I'm going to have to scramble something together." When I opened the door there stood all the volunteers shouting "SURPRISE!" with balloons and streamers and hats--the whole works for a birthday party. There were little wildlife and dinosaur-themed party blowers, presents, and a chocolate cake. I was surprised and amused and embarrassed, and it was wonderful. Pictures to come after I steal them from everyone's cameras.

The last few days have been eventful.

Halfway through another week! Here's a recap:

Monday
After my morning shift, I went to Pelican Lake and rented a kayak. I spent two and a half hours just paddling around, relaxing, sitting and enjoying the silence and solitude. It's probably the biggest chunk of alone time I've had since I got out here. It was fantastic. $2 an hour for a kayak rental? SWEET DEAL. I made a video to send my dad while I was out there, but the file is too large to attach to an e-mail :( I'll just have to show it to him when I get home. I then spent the rest of the day hanging out at the beach with a couple co-workers and some buddies from the resort we were at. I got to see my first sunset in two months (since we can't see the sunset for the trees here at the sanctuary).

Tuesday
The prelude to the story of tuesday is thus: We've been getting a lot of new volunteers in this last week or so, INCLUDING! this awesome and absurdly adorable couple from Sydney, Australia (WOO AUSTRALIA!). Troy and Tereen (or, as Abby dubbed them to avoid the name conundrum, T Squared) were so sweet, and helped out as much as they could, though poor Tereen was having morning sickness half the time. They seemed to have been getting along well with everyone, and whenever they weren't around we all talked about how great they were. Troy and I quickly slid into the habit of picking on each other nonstop. Tereen was free with her hugs, which is always a delight.
So the afternoon shift on Tuesday went out pruning. The first half of shift was uneventful, aside from Troy and I trading sarcastic comments, as you do. Second half, Tereen stayed behind at the cook shack while the rest of us returned to work. I was weedwhacking and happened to look up just in time to see Troy wheel backwards, hands clutching his face, blood pouring through his fingers. He'd been standing on a small tree to cut it, and it snapped out from under his foot, hit him in the face and broke his nose, cutting through to the sinus. The Bois Forte ambulance came out, then left, and Abby took Troy to the hospital. The poor bloke was making jokes while he sat on the ground, bleeding into a t-shirt. What a trooper.

Wednesday
Unsurprisingly, between the morning sickness and the broken nose, the Aussies left early. We were all really sad to see them go; they were such great company. Though I managed to restrain myself from hollering "Aussie aussie aussie, oi oi OI!" at them the whole time, I tossed a few panda jokes at Troy when he returned with his poor, beaten, bruised face. Tereen did her part by inadvertently wearing a panda t-shirt, which was just the icing on the teasing cake.

I mean, seriously. He came to a black bear sanctuary and got beaten up by a TREE. Who does that?! (Don't worry, he teases back just as heartily.)

About an hour into us being upen to the public Wednesday night, a storm rolled in complete with thunder and lightning. Lighting is one of the few things we'll close down for, so we packed up shop, and then rushed all the food out into the field so Rhonda could take us out for ice cream.



So, all in all, it's been a crazy couple of days. I've got just over a month to go....let's see what else stands between me and home.

(I've also taken 765 photos)

I tried to post a video here, but Firefox crashed every time I tried. Ho hum.

My back is recovering from an excruciating sunburn, but at least I'll be tan afterwords. I'm waiting for mail; I should have a box from mom and a letter from Diane within the next few days, and a box from dad and a letter from Brendada in the next week or so. Yay!

The weather out here has been alternating between EFFIN HOT and pouring buckets. Can't win.

I got to see Eclipse yesterday with two of the girls out here, Kate and Jenn. It was pretty good, but final opinion will be reserved for a rewatching. I got to see trailers for Deathly Hallows and Voyage of the Dawn Treader, though, which all but made me explode. The holiday season will be good for movies!

I'm about halfway through my internship and starting to really miss school, home, and the Real World. Laundry when I need it. Showers because I feel like it. Wandering around the grocery store just to enjoy the domesticity (Speaking of which, the big boss Dennis informed me, after eating the dinner I made with us volunteers the other night, informed me that I'd make a good wife. I wanted to hit him for the sexism-laden comment, but refrained). I've got a month and nine days to go, and I'm really looking forward to seeing everyone when I get back.

I'm going to post some pictures of our gift shop merchandise on Facebook at some point, so if anyone sees something they want, let me know!

I was going to write about the birds' nest.

The Eastern Phoebe's nest that we have out here at the Power Trailer, which had four nestlings in it, was apparently predated. It's been knocked off the window it was sitting on, the screen was messed up, and all the birds are unaccounted for. I'm really sad; I was looking forward to watching them grow all summer.

EDIT: Upon further investigation, we've come to the conclusion that a bear pulled the nest down and got the little ones. Woes.

I know, I'm terrible at this regular posting thing.

True to my running jokes here on The Hobbit, when asked what's been going on up here, I'll answer "lots and none at all." We've been kept busy with chores--like pruning ten feet into the woods on either side of the road, for a MILE AND A HALF, which needless to say is an ongoing project--to things done on our days "off," which is again to say half-days. We've been to a powwow up on the reservation. I've been trained to run the gift shop alone. Two days ago we went to the International Wolf Center in Ely, MN, about an hour and a half north of here; I got a few good pictures, and just kept thinking about how jealous Willow would be.

We've lost Zachariah now; Dennis is the only man around here. He's going to drown in all the estrogen. Hehe.

Yesterday a returning volunteer, Jenn, arrived from the UK. Thanks to all the European authors I've read growing up, I've had no trouble understanding all her idioms. Knew those books would come in handy someday!

Speaking of books, I treated myself to a bunch of DeLint novels a couple weeks ago. Heidi, I'll have to share them with you when I get back--I got "Promises To Keep," "The Onion Girl," "Spirits in the Wires," and "Wolf Moon." I've read Promises and Onion, both of which are about Jilly, and am about to get started on Spirits. Oh, DeLint. How I love thee.

I also bought myself "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies," which I'll read when I get through with the DeLints. Should be entertaining.

It's been raining here for about two and a half weeks straight. A lot of you probably have noticed by now how badly the weather can effect how I'm feeling; between that and a slight reprimand from a supervisor, I've had some pretty negative headspace for a while. That's mostly why you haven't heard much from me (that and the time constraints). A lot of old demons have been chasing each other around in my head. Will my passion for my work be enough? Am I really any use to anyone? Why do I screw up so much? Is there ever a point where everything stops hurting and starts to get better? Why do I have such little self-control? Why do people who don't try as hard as I do, who don't walk the straight and narrow, seem to catch all the breaks? I mean, c'mon, I've been a damn good kid. I don't smoke, drink, do drugs, screw around, try to hurt people, and yet all this virtue seems to get me nowhere. Meanwhile, I see so many other kids who do just sort of dick around getting let off the hook, getting rewarded for bad behavior. Will there ever be justice?

What do I need to learn from all this?

What do I have to do to be worthwhile, to be better?

I know a lot of people are going to be upset to hear me thinking all these things, but I guess it's better than not telling anyone. I miss having close friends around to talk to. The folks here are friendly enough, for the most part, but I'd love to be able to sit down with some of you and watch a movie, tell stories, just hang out. I've had six hugs in a month. That's sort of like starving for me, but without the fun side effect of weight loss.

I'm doing alright, I promise. I'm just, as always, questioning and doubting myself. I'm known enough people who didn't get their dreams to worry. Everyone THINKS that all they'll have to do is be determined enough, and things will work out. That isn't always enough. I'm terrified of being one of those people who only almost makes it. I wish I was taller, stronger, faster, less clumsy. I can only effect change on some of those things.

Almost making it is scarier to me than oughtright failing.

And it doesn't help that I'm just hurting other people by feeling the way I do, either. Don't think I don't realize that.




Anyways, I want to try to end this on an upbeat note. I'm uploading pictures to Facebook now, so you all can go leave specific comments on things. We got some fun shots on and around the bronze wolf statues outside the sanctuary. If anyone particularly wants wolf or bear merchandise--we'll be going back to the sanctuary at some point--let me know, and maybe send me some money. I'll be glad to bring things home for folks. In the meantime, I still have a lot of bare wall space, so send me letters, little doodles, whatever to let me know you're thinking of me. Letters would really help. I miss you all, and I hope everyone is enjoying themselves this summer. I can't wait to catch up with everyone at the end of August!